white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
