There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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