You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
