you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
