i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
