My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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