I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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