I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
