we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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