god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
