is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
We left the knife in your bed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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