so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
