so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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