Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
