She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
