when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
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