So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
