If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
