Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
