i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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