I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
