She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
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