The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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