Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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