Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
