Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
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