So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
