wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
