something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I touched a dick in church today
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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