The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
