when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
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