Got a toothbrush?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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