Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
