Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
