remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
