I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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