the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
