it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
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