my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
