This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
