how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
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