Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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