it was like eating out sand paper
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
