my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You left your phone here
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