I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize