so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
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