I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize
