I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
