It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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