we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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