That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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