i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My bed smells like the plague
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
