there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
