never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize