that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
