Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
