I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
