You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
