I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
