the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Randomize