Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he had hair everywhere except his balls
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
