also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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