Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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