dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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