Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
