i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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