i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is Oprah even human
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
