is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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