No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
