Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
