I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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