I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
