Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
