your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
