Screwed.edu
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
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