I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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