Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
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