dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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