i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
