Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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