my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
