Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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