I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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