my vag is so smooth its legendary
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
