her vagine was all disorganized.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
