I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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