I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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